Why doesn't he love me?
by Bao
Summary: It's a new plot. It's doesn't go along with the first season. It's like different. Well anyway, it's about shelby writing in her dairy about Scott. And the pain when he............READ!
1. Default Chapter Title

this story is in the mind of shelby and how I thrive to get over this guy. The guy (Nat)   
that I felt for. The girl, Allie-- :o*(, that broke my heart. And he that say yes.  
  
NOTE: ALLIE SHEA, I THINK YOU'RE A BITCH (am I allow to say that?) AND NAT,   
I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.  
  
FOR ALL THE TALENTED AND PRETTY PEOPLE, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE STORY.   
EXCEPT NAT AND THAT PLAYER (ALLIE SHEA)!   
  
_____________________________________________________________________________  
Dear Diary,   
  
  
Why doesn't he love me?  
  
  
I stood there, watching him pass me. Does he love me? Everytime I glance at him, it seem as if he's staring at me.  
Is it a sign? His every single breath and ever single touch of his warm nearness, I feel as if i'm going to drown.   
And everytime I'm near him, I always thought we were meant to be. Just by looking at him, I see my future,   
my life---with him---us. I wish I could tell what's he's thinking. What he's questioning inside.   
  
Everytime i see him with her, just get me so jealous inside. I couldn't bare to see him with her.   
Or with another female--- just me. When we spent time together, it's like magic. Magic that we're together.   
And together we shall be. He has to know--- he must. But does he? We're so similar in many ways.   
  
He must be the one---the one for me. Like the soulmate, I have been searching for all my life.   
I like him so much, but why can't he like me? I wish I could just walk over to him and tell him my thoughts,   
my dreams, and most of all, my feelings for him. But I can't have the courage or the ability to risk that chance.   
I'm afraid of a rejection and most of all, our friendship.  
  
I told Daisy that I flirt with other guy just to get him mad, but can't he tell that i'm waiting my life   
for him to come and say those words that will lift me upon my feet?  
  
I thought my life was going just well, the day was exhausting, but as the day continue...I learn   
or you could say discover surprisingly as anyone would. That my love was not mine.  
  
My heart, made an emotion that was not cryingly nor was it sad. But as if a million buildings   
just crumble down upon me. And no one care or understand that my love was gone and   
heart have been stab. I didn't cry, I didn't shed a tear. all I did was feel that pain that I can't   
get rid of. Nor can I back away from. All I could do was let nature heal the wound.  
  
Right now, you must be wondering what the heck am I talking about, right? Well let me   
explain if I could have the strength to relive the moment again, but for you diary, I'll do that.  
  
Sorry if i didn't write for the last 2 weeks. I wasn't ready to except the truth that he---  
Scott was...waS... i can't say. I don't know what he is to me right now. A friend or an ememy?   
Just that he ripped my heart, my first love. I know that he doesn't know it and it's okay that   
he'll never does, but I wish...it was me and not her.  
  
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Okay, now i'm ready to tell my story or my pain.  
  
It all re-started when I.......  
  
  
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TBC.....  
  
PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU WANT THE REST!  
  
REVIEW PLEASE!  
  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

  
Ok, here's the next part. This part is kinda different from my real what happen thingy. (did that make sense?)  
Nevermind forget that line, just engoy reading the story!!!!!  
  
the last liine:  
It all re-started when I.......  
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It all restarted when I was walking out from class. Scott and my locker were just a few or 2 lockers away,   
but the scene I witness was something I knew I had lost.  
  
Scott was so cute. He had on his blue varsity jersey and jean.   
Everytime he scratch his hair and smile, my heart just melt. He was popular and   
different from most jocks. He was nice and didn't took appearance as a dating rules.   
I know that might not be true, but I could see it in his eyes.   
  
We spent alot of time together. Partner for projects and staying late after school to help teachers with stuff.   
I only do that to be near him.   
  
See diary, the problem is that... I'm not preppy or a chearleader figure. I'm just another face in high school.   
  
The day was going just fine. In class I notice that scott was staring at me but I couldn't just look up.   
I don't know...maYBE I'm just be paranoid. My heart thump everytime I think of him. At night,   
he''ll be in my dreams and when it's daylight, he will be in my world.   
  
when 2 person are love, how can you tell the other person loves you? For a while,   
I though we had something. Something that I had never have. MaYBE i'm just attractive to his looks.   
  
I don't know what to say... i'm lost here, diary. no one knows how i felt when --- oh I just can't say it.  
  
It was the end of class, I notice that Juliette (the so call chearleader) with her   
pom-pom came up to Scott. She was all over him. I was getting mad and angry, but I didn't show it.   
I didn't know what they were talking about, but when I slam my locker, Scott look back and glance at me.   
I saw it and stare back at him with a smile and then turn around. He turn around, too.   
He seem to be confused or something. I could tell because his face made a puppy pleading look   
that I was just so CUTE! I thought it was a sign that he like me because...because... WHY WOULN"T HE!!!!   
  
At lunch, Daisy sat by me. I ask her what was that all about. she seem to not care   
what that meant because all she said was "oh, Scott and Juliette are going out." I was shock.   
Unspeakable... just wishing it was all a rumor--- a fable. But...but it wasn't. Somehow, I didn't trust her,   
all I knew was that I must find the truth for myself. I knew i had to ask him, truthfully.  
  
After time and time of getting him for myself. I finally said it out.  
  
Me: So um...Scott. Are you and Juliette going out. (I didn't look him in the eyes)  
  
Scott: yeah (he smile and look at me with this unsecure look.)  
  
That was it. that was the last line I ever said to him. I think he know by the tone I ask him that I was jealous.   
My feelings for him was over and the hatred I felt for the both of them were rising.   
  
I don't even know how to explain it to you. It felt as if the person I was supposed to spend all my   
life just betray me. I felt as if I will never love again. Not anyone with that strong love i felt for him.   
  
In bed at night, the memories of him and I were flashing back. I remember the time when we use to   
play basketball, soccor and jock around with each other. I had a great time and a great experience.   
He always made me laugh when time gets hard. I guess, he still think i'm just his friend.   
His warm embrace with he put his arm around me when we play soccor and his warm words   
and laughter when we laugh.   
  
I kept on avoiding him from that day on. He kept talking to me, but I try hard to   
kept the tears from falling. I was hurt and the only person to fix that was me.   
  
nights after nights, I kept telling myself that being friend is much better than being in a   
relationship, but I knew it was all a lie.  
  
That was it... I change and he change. Ever since that day, I hate him--- and her.   
For everything. For every ounce of pain in my heart that's not leaking out.  
  
But I'm a strong person until last night when I cry. I cry my heart out. And it felt lighter and safer.   
  
I never again stay after school and help the teacher. Only Scott did. Once he ask me why I   
didn't stay after school anymore. I just said, "I'm busy." I sounded cold and unfriendly. I know he's confused.   
But I didn't have the strength to talk to him ever again. And from there, I never again saw him after school   
helping the teacher.  
  
He's nice to me and always trying to start a conversation with me but I always ended them fast and cold.  
  
I miss talkin' to him about stuff. We seem to understand each other so much. But what he   
did to me was somethin' I'm never going to forget.   
  
  
But after time past and my strength regain (smile) and Scott.....(giggling)...well let say....  
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TBC......  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!  
  
I'M GOING TO PUT A SCOTT'S JOURNAL LATER. IT'S ABOUT THIS INCEDENT, TOO!  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!! I NEED THEM!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

I'm happy!!! Ok that's enough, enjoy the story!  
  
Last line:  
But after time past and my strength regain (smile) and Scott.....(giggling)...well let say....  
  
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But after time past and my strength regain (smile) and Scott....(giigling) well let say...  
  
Ok nevermind. Let start over.  
  
2 days ago, I was talking to Daisy. I asked her about Scott and Juliette's relationship.   
She told me that they broke up. Everyone says that too!!!!! I didn't believe it!  
The next day, she even show me the letter that Scott had wrote to Juliette.   
  
The letter said,   
  
Dear Juliette,   
  
I know this is kinda awkward, but I'm not ready to be in a relationship, yet.   
I hope we can still be friends. There's this other person I... really liked.   
I REALLY LIKE YOU, TOO! But it is not in that way. but I hope this doesn't   
change the intention between us.   
  
Sign,   
Scott  
  
He said it! "I like someone else"!!  
I think he broke up with her because of me. On the other hand, I don't think it's because of me.   
You see, we're just friends...nothing really serious.   
  
Always  
Shelby,  
  
  
  
Decemeber 17, 2000  
  
Dear Diary,   
  
Just 2 more days until the prom. You know, the winterfest prom. Scott kept staring at me.   
Even when I'm talking or just thinking. I like it, but I get nervous.  
  
We talk, we stay after school and hang out. It's great to be with him again.   
For most part, it's fun to play soccor with him. We get to kick and hug and laugh with each other.   
I would so love to be his girlfriend. Something more then just a friend. A friend can only play   
and laugh with you, but being in a relationship, you can hug, kiss, hold each other and everything...GOD!   
I don't know what to tell you, I never had a boyfriend before. Most of all, I never hug a guy before!   
Serious! Wait, I mean I do hug guys, like my dad. You know, those kind of guys. It would be so cool   
to have a boyfriend. I mean all my friends have one. And I want one too, but I'm not going to give   
my heart to the wrong guy. I'm waiting for that special moment when this absolutely perfect guy will   
walk into my life. And right now, I really think that perfect guy is....Scott.  
  
I could see that Juliette was spying on me. She was hating me. For what? Scott and   
me are just friends. But are we?   
  
I read in the book, "Chicken Soup for teenage Soul II" that this guy really like this girl, but he never told her because he was afraid of a rejection and his friendship to her.   
But after 7 years, That girl's friend told him that that girl liked him. And now he feels   
sorry and regret of not making a risk. But is that true between me and Scott?   
I guess i will never know until...one of us say something.   
  
Today, after playing monkey in the middle. (don't ask why) Scott came up to me with   
his smile and said it.   
  
Scott- so shelby, are you going to the dance?  
  
Me- no, I can't dance.   
  
  
It was supposed to be a joke.  
  
Me- are you?  
  
Scott- oh that's reminds me.... Shelby, do you wanna go to the dance with me?   
You know as a friend friend? (he blush)  
  
I also blush. Wow! He totally ask me OUT! What should I say!   
  
Me- umm...sure. You know as a friend friend.   
  
Like he said we're just friend.   
  
Scott- (smile) ok, I'll see you then.  
  
He left. My heart was beating so fast! Is this love at first sight? I hope so because I think I'm in love.  
  
OH MY GOD! What am I'm going to wear!!!!!!!!  
  
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TBC...  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!  
  



	4. Default Chapter

I haven't post this story in a long time. So this is the last part to this story. Enjoy!  
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May 16, 2001  
  
Dear Diary,   
  
It been too long since I could remember the last time I update this. N-wayz, the dance was incredible! Scott came and pick me up and he look so hot! Like the hottest guy ever! His hair was like always, curly and blonde. The most sweetest part about him is his smile. It can just melt your heart away.  
  
We went together as friends. Just friends. He took me to a table full of jocks and the so-call "cheerleaders". It's not that I didn't liked that reputation, I just think I don't belong there, but of course. I didn't say anything about it. Just smile and nod my head when Scott introduce me. All the girls were like, "What's he's doing with that skank?" But again... I didn't say a thing. Didn't want them to ruin the night for me.   
  
We dance a couple. MOSTLY made fun of others. Like how these couple were dancing like a hooker and a stripper, Scott said that they were retarded and need a look in the mirror. I know that wasn't funny, but when they heard him saying that, the guy came over and starting to "chest" Scott. LOL! The guy was pounding and pushing his chest toward Scott's. Scott said, "Umm... can you move those?" Pointing down to his so-call "boobs". He was so embarrassed by that comment that he just step back. We were laughing so hard because that guy went into the men's room, "checking it." He came out in tears when he realize that he need a de-plant. The opposite of implant. It was just too dying!  
  
When the night died out, Scott walk me home and gave me a smile and a hug. That was it. A friendly little hug and a million dollar smile. That night was perfect. Nothing went wrong. It was like a dream. A prince rescuing a princess from a lonesome life. Making her waking up from decades of weakness.   
  
But the night wasn't over.   
  
The door swung open that night. Cold air striver down my back and into my blanket. Oh no, not again. Again, I felt liked a prison of my own game. He went and lay down beside me and I could feel an embrace of useless power rising over me. I tried not to move. Thinking that he would soon disappear into my nightmare where he belong. But I was wrong. He touch me. I felt like screaming to wake up my mother. I felt like killing him to ease my pain down. But he said if this secret gets out. My sister will become a victim just like me. Tell me Diary, What am I suppose to do? I'm a 15 years old girl. I'm not ready for these kind of thing. I'm still enjoying life as a teenager. I'm STILL a teenager. And a teenager shouldn't be in bed, scared or threaten. Oh, he move. Stay calm. Maybe he'll just fly back to my mother. WRONG!  
  
That's it. I can't be living in fear. What if I told my mom? No, I can't do that. She wouldn't believe. Maybe if I had proof about this whole situation then maybe I wouldn't have to be scared anymore. NO! Then this will become a case and everyone, I mean everyone will know about this. Even Scott. He probably thinks I'm dirty, a whore, most of all.... use.  
  
But is this about me or a boy? I have to think straight. Can't let someone whose's not into me make my life ever more a hell.  
  
Sign Shelby,  
  
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Dear Diary, (June 6, 2001)  
  
I'm packing. Ready to leave. Scott's gone. My mom is in rehab. And my sis is living with "Good Old Dad". I'm supposed to be going to a camp call Mt. Horizon or whatever to "rethink" about my useless, dirty life. It's only for the summer or until my "family" can get back to their happy sunny self. (sarcastic)   
  
I lost everything in life. What else to life?  
  
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This is the end of my "Why doesn't he love me" story. If I get 10 reviews, I'll start a sequel. And the sequel is about Shelby's point of view at staying at Mt. Horizon for the summer. Please review!   
  
It's so weird now. If you login into your author section, you have a upload story chapter thingy. Now, it's SO confusing!  
  
  



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